Etta is a Role Model

Recently at Written World, Ragnell expressed her appreciation for the Golden Age Etta Candy. I’ve loved that incarnation of Etta ever since I came across her: her strength and self-confidence. How she always knew what she wanted. She was a leader, and could help Wonder Woman out of a bind. And most importantly, she took up space.

How could I not write a poem for her? (Granted, at the time when I tried to bring in a Wonder Woman-themed poem every week into my advanced workshop. I admit I'm a bit embarrassed to post this poem, since it's pretty different from the way I usually write. I just had to rhyme it, Golden Age dialogue is so wonderfully cheesy.)

I echo Ragnell’s sentiments, I want Etta returned to her initial self.

Wonder Woman’s Sidekick: Etta Candy

“When you’ve got a man, there’s nothing you can do with him—but candy you can eat.” --Etta Candy

A former patient of Diana Prince’s,
fan-favorite Etta Candy wasn’t your typical sidekick.
She wasn’t quick, strong, or righteous,
was rather, instead, addicted to three things—
sweets, girls and Wonder Woman.

Leader of the sorority sisters, the Holliday Girls,
Etta with her scout smarts and red bloomers
could be contacted by mental radio,
would come to untie Wonder Woman with her enthusiastic “Woo Woo!”

Etta assembled an army of one-hundred glamorous girls,
who she lorded over with a plump fist and box of bonbons.
Together they defeated Dr. Poison’s lecherous horde,
then promptly threw a magnificent slumber party as an award.

In 1986, dear Etta was given a facelift—
she lost pounds, height and self-esteem.
Etta got stationed as an Air Force Lieutenant, instead of queen,
and married Wonder Woman’s longtime boyfriend, Steve.