As if you couldn't tell, I'll be taking an extended break from blogging, due to unreliable access to the internet and the fact that my personal life is extremely hectic and overwhelming. When I get back, hopefully not too long from now, I plan to write some thoughts on Trauma Center and the first two seasons of Veronica Mars.
Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Harassment Fiasco
I'm in the home stretch, just a couple of days away from graduating. That said, my job at the college will be finished this week as well. I feel conflicted about this: I'm losing my steady paycheck and I'll be leaving behind some great coworkers. However, I feel good about leaving: perhaps my job search will yield a job with better pay (though it should be easy to beat the pay of a student worker) and because I'll be leaving the place where I was sexually harassed.
Like anyone, there's a few things in my life that are hard for me to admit, and most of them seem to stem in some way from sex. Two of the biggies are admitting that I was in an abusive relationship, the other is that I was harassed at work.
I'm willing to write about this because my job ends Friday, but I've been inspired by this post about sexual harassment over at Occasional Superheroine. An excerpt:
My situation was (unsurprisingly) tortuous. Because my job is the same as where I attend school (I work in the department of my major) I had no way to get away from him. And, like a lot of harassment stories, my situation was not cut and dry. It's not like he touched me--it had more to do with comments he said under his breath or how he would come stand by me, his body almost touching mine. It was the manner in which he looked at me, and how I would see him staring at me while I was having lunch with my partner. It was long and drawn out and I didn't know how to tell him how he made me feel. I couldn't find the voice to tell him to stop. Eventually, I found the courage to go to my boss and make a report. What resulted was an awkward bureaucratic hell that consisted of embarrassing interviews and meetings that were full of difficult decisions. In the end I was told that I'd have to meet with him, along with Human Resources and the department chair for a mediation if I wanted to make a proper complaint. I couldn't go through with it--I was too terrified.
I regret it. Because I failed to commit to the mediation, my complaint was never officially filed. It was as if my tentative steps to make him stop never happened. My boss took care to not schedule my hours when he was working, which did help. However, I still saw him in the hallway or around campus. The lack of closure isn't what I necessarily regret. What has made the situation worse is that once he did stop harassing me, he went after a co-worker, a good friend, of mine. I make him sound cruel and calculating, but I honestly think that he didn't know that he was doing anything wrong. My co-worker, knowing what I had gone through with him, filed a complaint immediately. I admire the hell out of her. She went to meeting after meeting and never backed down, even though the chair of the department expressed to her his opinion that she was making a big deal out of nothing. The kicker in the end was that the professor was only given a warning after her formal complaint went through. I found out from my boss that he would have received a harsher punishment if I had went through with my complaint.
This semester I haven't had to deal with the professor because he's on sick leave for cancer. I think it's unfortunate that he has to struggle though an awful disease, but I'm relieved that I haven't had to work with him now or ever again. For all of my relief, I still feel unresolved about the situation and I still feel ashamed--as though I'm making a big deal out of nothing--whenever I talk about. I do hope that if I ever find myself in a similar predicament, I'll be quicker to stand up for myself.
It's hard for me to look at sexual harassment rationally since I still feel hurt. But I do think this: if my work wasn't so entrenched in hierarchies, maybe it wouldn't have happened. I know it surely wouldn't have happened if the professor would see women as people rather than sex objects.
Like anyone, there's a few things in my life that are hard for me to admit, and most of them seem to stem in some way from sex. Two of the biggies are admitting that I was in an abusive relationship, the other is that I was harassed at work.
I'm willing to write about this because my job ends Friday, but I've been inspired by this post about sexual harassment over at Occasional Superheroine. An excerpt:
I feel the person who has gone through this or other traumas definitely has the right to tell her (or his) story -- that it's part of the healing process and provides people going through similar situations with perspective & hope. Further, I think the topic of sexual harassment itself should be debated and examined thoroughly on message boards and forums everywhere.
But one thing that gets lost in the internet debate and gossip is just how goddamn sad sexual harassment situations are for everybody involved. They're fucking sad. There are no winners and losers. Everybody is a loser. Feelings on both sides are filled with agony and resentment and hurt. You have one side saying "nothing happened and you're liar" and the other side saying "I'm really really hurt" and it's like Iraq, there's no immediate clean way to resolve it. And then you have people caught in the middle who are pressured to take sides and it's shitty for them too.
My situation was (unsurprisingly) tortuous. Because my job is the same as where I attend school (I work in the department of my major) I had no way to get away from him. And, like a lot of harassment stories, my situation was not cut and dry. It's not like he touched me--it had more to do with comments he said under his breath or how he would come stand by me, his body almost touching mine. It was the manner in which he looked at me, and how I would see him staring at me while I was having lunch with my partner. It was long and drawn out and I didn't know how to tell him how he made me feel. I couldn't find the voice to tell him to stop. Eventually, I found the courage to go to my boss and make a report. What resulted was an awkward bureaucratic hell that consisted of embarrassing interviews and meetings that were full of difficult decisions. In the end I was told that I'd have to meet with him, along with Human Resources and the department chair for a mediation if I wanted to make a proper complaint. I couldn't go through with it--I was too terrified.
I regret it. Because I failed to commit to the mediation, my complaint was never officially filed. It was as if my tentative steps to make him stop never happened. My boss took care to not schedule my hours when he was working, which did help. However, I still saw him in the hallway or around campus. The lack of closure isn't what I necessarily regret. What has made the situation worse is that once he did stop harassing me, he went after a co-worker, a good friend, of mine. I make him sound cruel and calculating, but I honestly think that he didn't know that he was doing anything wrong. My co-worker, knowing what I had gone through with him, filed a complaint immediately. I admire the hell out of her. She went to meeting after meeting and never backed down, even though the chair of the department expressed to her his opinion that she was making a big deal out of nothing. The kicker in the end was that the professor was only given a warning after her formal complaint went through. I found out from my boss that he would have received a harsher punishment if I had went through with my complaint.
This semester I haven't had to deal with the professor because he's on sick leave for cancer. I think it's unfortunate that he has to struggle though an awful disease, but I'm relieved that I haven't had to work with him now or ever again. For all of my relief, I still feel unresolved about the situation and I still feel ashamed--as though I'm making a big deal out of nothing--whenever I talk about. I do hope that if I ever find myself in a similar predicament, I'll be quicker to stand up for myself.
It's hard for me to look at sexual harassment rationally since I still feel hurt. But I do think this: if my work wasn't so entrenched in hierarchies, maybe it wouldn't have happened. I know it surely wouldn't have happened if the professor would see women as people rather than sex objects.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Freaking Out
By Friday this week it'll all be done, finished, the end, kaput. I'll be a graduating undergraduate, prepared and ready to face the cold, cruel world with a dashing hat and a collar pulled up around my cheeks.
Except I'm all anxious: anticipating unemployment, uncomfortable job interviews, and tens of thousands of dollars worth of debt. And even before that, I have four tests to take and ten page paper on Louis Zukofsky's objectivism to complete.
Yuck.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Some Mii Suggestions
I've been able to spend a few weeks lovingly and obsessively creating Miis that represent me, my family and Robotech characters. It's a blast, but I have a few suggestions:
1) Picking a gender for your Mii shouldn't be mandatory. I understand why its there-- we're always asked what our gender is, from surveys to signing up for MSN Messenger. The Mii Channel uses it so that when a gender is chosen the haircuts that show up first correspond with whatever gender you chose. But what if you want to create an androgynous Mii (which is surprisingly easy to do) and you don't want to identify the Mii as male or female? It's unnecessary.
2) Haircuts should be organized by length instead of gender. Other categories, such as lips and eyes aren’t separated, so why is hair length? There aren't any restrictions in regards to choosing a feminine haircut for a male Mii anyway (which is awesome), so the distinction seems arbitrary. Having the hairstyles grouped by length would make customizing easier.
3) There should be more control over body type. I keep on running into this problem—I wanted to give the Mii that's supposed to look like me some hips, but I couldn't. Similarly, when I was trying to make an animorphic representation of my overweight cat, I couldn't make him look fat enough. Rats.
4) Untraditional hair colors need to be included. I know I'm not the only one out there who likes pink hair. And what about making a Mii that looks like Max Sterling? Only blue will do. Actually, a whole color wheel or spectrum should be included so that there are more hues for skin color and more choices for the color of clothing.
I'm thinking that a lot these issues could be remedied by an update. So what do you say, Nintendo?
1) Picking a gender for your Mii shouldn't be mandatory. I understand why its there-- we're always asked what our gender is, from surveys to signing up for MSN Messenger. The Mii Channel uses it so that when a gender is chosen the haircuts that show up first correspond with whatever gender you chose. But what if you want to create an androgynous Mii (which is surprisingly easy to do) and you don't want to identify the Mii as male or female? It's unnecessary.
2) Haircuts should be organized by length instead of gender. Other categories, such as lips and eyes aren’t separated, so why is hair length? There aren't any restrictions in regards to choosing a feminine haircut for a male Mii anyway (which is awesome), so the distinction seems arbitrary. Having the hairstyles grouped by length would make customizing easier.
3) There should be more control over body type. I keep on running into this problem—I wanted to give the Mii that's supposed to look like me some hips, but I couldn't. Similarly, when I was trying to make an animorphic representation of my overweight cat, I couldn't make him look fat enough. Rats.
4) Untraditional hair colors need to be included. I know I'm not the only one out there who likes pink hair. And what about making a Mii that looks like Max Sterling? Only blue will do. Actually, a whole color wheel or spectrum should be included so that there are more hues for skin color and more choices for the color of clothing.
I'm thinking that a lot these issues could be remedied by an update. So what do you say, Nintendo?
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