Wednesday, January 10, 2007


I apologize that I've been straying away from what I initially envisioned that I'd be writing about on this blog, but I've been completely over taken by instances that are making the enjoyment that I take from comics, video games, and anime miniscule.

One of the big things in my life right now is that I'm unemployed. Like all who are unemployed and desperate for a paycheck are apt to do, I joined up with a temp agency. I took my tests, sweating and nauseous, I’ve taken my holiday and birthday checks and spent them on corporate wear from Goodwill. I’ve been practicing the application of eye shadow. I try speaking loudly and with confidence. I’ve mastered the trick of faking enthusiasm toward something that makes me burrow my head into my pillow at night and sob.

I told my temp agency that I’d be interested in working for non-profits, but they insist on sticking me in a corporate setting. I can’t shrug off my awkwardness.

I understand that I’m probably sound whiney and immature—that I’m being melodramatic in a situation that I can’t avoid. That I’m sounding over privileged. After all, I was able to attend and finish college when my parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents weren’t able to.

I’m trying to suck it up, but it gets difficult with each $10-an-hour. I’m flat out bored and frustrated. I’m furious that I’m thousands of dollars into debt, yet the only job with benefits that I could only hope to qualify for is to be a receptionist or secretary.

Yesterday was a sunny day because I had a job interview with a community college, in foreign language studies and ESL department. It was dingy and messy. Student projects were taped up to the walls. The woman who interviewed me had a soft and soothing voice. It was only until halfway through the interview did I realize she was the department chair. And I have to wait until next Friday to see if I got the job.

Until then it’s the temp jobs. The nine-hour days with the hour lunch break where I hide the feminist book I’m reading. Where I try to sneak breaks on the company’s internet only to mess up when answering the phone a minute later. Each and every company’s name is a last name and I can’t keep any of them straight.


Mickle said...

I'm so sorry.

If it helps, I've been there. Though it might not help much since I'm just barely starting to climb out myself.

I spent plenty of nights crying and frustrated because I absolutely refused to let myself get pigeonholed as a secretary, but I didn't know how to avoid that fate and still eventually move out of my parents house.

I spent plenty of others feeling guilty for working for barely more than minimum wage at a bookstore because it made me happier than the $15/hour jobs that I could (almost) afford to live on.

But I'm glad I did - although in my case it was partly because I knew I was in danger of sliding back into depression, and I felt my health was more important than society's unfair standards.

Hang in there.

We're rooting for you.

Brinstar said...


I know exactly what you're going through. I know this is a pretty depressing picture, but it took me over a year after graduating to find a permanent job. I cannot afford to live on my own.

I temped for a long time. The temp-to-permanent job that I did manage to get was as an Admin Assistant. I am still working in the same company, though I have been moved to Staff Assistant.

The work is just as uninspiring, but I am grateful to have a job, and at least I am no longer an Admin Assistant. I am constantly looking for a new job. Sometimes things at home get so bad that I want to move out in an impulsive rage, but the rational part of me says that I need to save and get rid of my debt first.

Hang in there. Good luck.

Jacob said...

Don't fret my friend. I know working temp gigs for corporations isn't all that sunny but at least you're making money. I think you would feel worse being at home all day while sending out resumes online (I know I did).

Things worked out for me in the end and I know they will for you. From what you say, I have a good feeling about your chances of landing that job at the community college. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Best of luck to you!

100LittleDolls said...

Thanks mickle, brinstar, and jacob! Your support means everything to me. It's helpful to know that I'm not alone in this situation and that others have survived. :)

Lyle said...

Just wanted to wish you luck. It's no fun jobhunting. I hope you find yourself in a place you'd like to be.