Friday, January 11, 2008

Daily Grinding

Lately I've been thinking a lot about why I've been so silent. It just sort of happened that all of the sudden I couldn't get any inclination to blog, to write, to do any sort of productive thought processing. When I started working in the clinic I thought that I'd have a lot of things to jot down, specifically about my education in college in regards to women's health versus working in the middle of it. Certainly I didn't know exactly what to expect when I started my job, and now I've learned that I can't have any expectation as to what any day is going to be like. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've come across some shocking and difficult situations and I'm trying to learn how to deal with it. In the past I was able to write about it, but right now it's too soon.

And it feels stupid to write it, but I'm going to anyway. I just had no idea. Studying and learning about domestic violence in college and job training is completely different from when you actually find yourself taking the blood pressure of a woman who lies to you about the bruises on her body.

One of the best things about feminism for me has always been that it has given me a sense of hope. It has always been a revolution to me. My job and feminism intertwine and I relish that. Yet I am amazed at how far I've come down to where I only feel and notice burden--the weight of it in the lives of the women I meet, and my own that I carry with me.


jeff said...

I wonder if your workmates have some social ways of helping each other out in this regard...some pseudo-organized support networks, since all y'all have to be feeling something similar. Just a thought.

Congratulations on doing good work with your degree, however hard it may be.

100LittleDolls said...

Thanks, Jeff.

We have a phone support network and I know that my boss has been noticing that we've been a bit down and out. For whatever reason I've been hesitant to use the phone support--maybe because talking on the phone is a bit impersonal? It probably would be a good time to see if we could do some sort of in service. I've noticed that some of my co-workers have become hardened to everything and I recognize that they're doing that out of self-preservation. I know either at some point I'm going to have to make use of that phone network, maybe start some therapy or become just as hardened. I'm still new, so I'll just have to see.