Thursday, August 23, 2007

Rat Racing

Warning: I'm about to launch into some post-grad, twentysomething-crisis whining.

In February, I was hired on as a temp-to-perm at a big corporate company. I was damn happy because a steady job with benefits seemed just out of my reach. When I started, I found that there was another temp in my department. I was a bit deflated to learn that he'd already been working for 7 months as a temp to perm, but I pushed some of my doubts aside--I sat near the HR department and saw that new people were being hired all the time. I figured I just had to wait my turn.

Months have gone by and I've become incredibly disillusioned and bored. I'm no fan of corporate culture, and I'm continuously stressed out because I never know which project I'm given is going to be my last. But I've been sticking with it because no matter how shitty I feel, the job is paying the bills. I have been applying to other jobs, as I want some stability and need insurance hardcore, but noting is panning out. The internship is the exact thing I've been looking for, but the organization is new and has no money as of yet to hire me on full time, though they've expressed interest.

Recently the other temp in my department quit--he was simply sick of doing the same job for a year straight that is obviously integral to the operation of the department. He would inquire every once and awhile to see if the company would be interested in hiring him permanently, but they'd also turn him down. After he left, I found myself sitting in a situation where maybe, just maybe, I could move into his position, where the temping would be more stable, or perhaps I'd even get hired full time.

It's not going to happen. I found out today that they already hired someone new. Not as a temp, but as a full-time, fully benefited, employee. It doesn't matter that I'm already familiar with the work or that I've been here for six months. They're not going to hire me. I asked about my job performance, and I was told that I'm doing excellent work. So I don't know what it is--maybe they think I'm too young and am therefore more likely to move on sooner than someone else? Or is it something else?

Either way, I feel like crap. I check the job listings and nothing seems promising. My self-esteem has hit the rocks. I've developed some chronic health conditions since graduating, but have put off going to the doctor because I can't afford it, and I'm going to need to keep putting it off. Plus, I'm still endlessly stuck in temp limbo--who knows when they'll not need me here any longer?


Revena said...

Oh, ugh. :-( *internet hugs*

tekanji said...

*more internet hugs*

It sounds like the company is taking advantage of you because they think you're young, stupid, and won't quit for a few more months.

100LittleDolls said...

Thanks for the hugs. I think you're right, tekanji. Ugh, unfortunately I'll most likely be staying there until I find a new job or they're done with me. Like squeezing water from a rock.

Mickle said...



I hope it gets better soon.

Cameron Sorden said...

I'm sorry to hear that. Hang in there and try to stay positive. There are a lot of companies out there, and just because this one can't or won't act on your potential doesn't mean another will do the same.

It's silly, but there's a poem I like to read when things are rough...

"The tree that never had to fight for sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain and always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king, but lived and died a scrubby thing.

Good timber does not grow with ease;
the stronger wind, the stronger trees."

100LittleDolls said...

Thanks, mickle and cameron. And also, that poem really cheered me up. :) I'm going to keep a copy of it close by.

JJ said...

yea dey takin avantage of ya do sumthin