That was three days ago? A Rundown of Wizard World Chicago

This past weekend I set aside my internship and other responsibilities to attend yet another year of Wizard World Chicago with Shions_Glasses. It’s awesome to see every year more and more women and girls attending the con—the first year I went there didn’t seem to be a lot of us, but this year there was lots. It’s a good time to be a fan girl.

I don’t know if it was just me, but Wizard World seemed tiny this year. There just didn’t seem to be as many panels or booths. Hell, the Nintendo booth wasn’t even there. A shame because I was looking forward to getting some more free Pokemon cards and downloading a rare Pokemon or mystic ticket for my copy of Diamond.

Marvel’s booth had me a bit disappointed. I’m always impressed with free swag, even if it’s just DC’s Countdown pins and Batman temporary tattoos. I was crossing my fingers for a John Cassidy X-Men poster or something like that. There was a glossy poster for Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter that was definitely cheesecakey, but a little outside my taste.

I was surprisingly impressed with Sony’s booth. They seemed to aiming for some accessibility by being kid friendly. The PaRappa the Rapper port for the PSP was getting a strong push, as was the strategy-RPG Jeanne D’Arc. I grabbed a gorgeous poster for Jeanne D’Arc, and Shions_Glasses was given a PaRappa t-shirt that’s about five times too large just for posing for a few pictures with the PaRappa mascot.

On Saturday afternoon we made sure to stop by the DC booth to get Will Pfeifer’s signature. Other than that, we didn’t have too much to do with the big two. Instead of going to any of the panels we spent our time flipping through back issues and wandering around Artist Alley. We picked up about 20 issues of Gotham Cental (all for $1.50!) and grabbed Spider-Woman: Origin and the Metal Gear Solid TPB for half-off. In the Artist Alley I searched out David Mack (as I do every year) and bought the second and third volumes of Kabuki. Before we left for the evening we caught some Beck (dubbed, yuck) in the anime screening room. I’m a bit annoyed that they were only showing Funimation licensed anime this year. What about Manga and Bandai? They were there too.

Saturday night was probably my favorite part of the convention, though it wasn’t specifically Wizard World-related. In my part of Chicago they were having a neighborhood festival, and in celebration my local comic book shop invited their regulars to come hang out and drink some beers. There wasn’t too many of us there, which was more than alright with me. I was content with talking the whole while with a woman who didn’t even stop at home to change out of her Catwoman costume. The whole experience was a bit surreal: where I grew up I bought my comics from a video rental store, so there was never a place for me to go and hang out and talk geek.

Sunday was more of buying. For 35% off we picked up the first volume of Monster (manga is always seriously lacking at WW), Coward, the three TPB volumes of Bruce Wayne: Fugitive and Tales of the Slayers. We also stopped by Artist Alley and grabbed a copy of Winter Beard by Cathy Hannah and The Exploits of Aimless Boy by John Aston Golden, who is actually a regular at my comic book store. We waited in line for the Wheel of Doom and I won my cat a rubber band to play with (the topic I chose was Lunar: The Silver Star and they unfortunately didn’t know what the hell I was talking about) and Shions_Glasses won a hardcover book of Wizard covers, which he promptly gave away.

It was after this point that the con went sour. We stopped one last time at the Sony booth to check out the Heavenly Sword demo. Some guys came up behind us, and one of them decided that it’d be a ton of fun to verbally harass me. I don’t feel like going into too much detail, but his comments involved such things as upskirt shots, masturbation, and rape. Unable to contain my anger, I told him to please shut the hell up, and went on to furiously explain that rape is not a joke, it’s a hate crime, etc. but as he only seemed to get more belligerent with my every response. So I went to security and he disappeared into the milling crowd. At least I can say that security did take me seriously and even profusely apologized.

Yet getting harassed sucked any fun that was left out of the con. We did go afterward to check out the Fullmetal Alchemist movie, but it was difficult to enjoy.

With all the internet harassment that’s been going on lately in the game and comics community—the avalanche of racist comments regarding Resident Evil 5, the hijacking of GayGamer.com, and Girl-Wonder.org getting hacked— being harassed at the con just fit in too perfectly.

More on Sony hating me

Alice at Wonderland commented the other day on Sony's "Because your Girlfriend bores you shitless" ad. She also points out that there's a possibility that the ad may not be official:

Beenabadbunny says, while the ads are real, they possibly don't belong to
Sony. A Sony hired-blogger is denying they're official... going from N'Gai's original post, the ads are posted on AdsoftheWorld.com, which claims to showcase worldwide work; however, any user can upload an example.

The blog in question, Three Speech, only says that "we’re reliably informed, however, it’s not a bona fide PlayStation advert."

No names, no official press release--why am I going to believe that the ads are a fake? We all remember Sony's so-called "hip hop" fan site, right?

Besides, even if the ads aren't official, I'm concerned that Sony isn't concerned about their image. I'd like to think that that Sony would see these ads as offensive enough to their consumers to say something, instead of releasing word on a "semi-official" blog.

Why do you hate me Sony?

A quick run down of some of Sony's advertising includes:

-an American ad campaign for the PSP which featured dust balls that can be easily interpreted as racist caricatures of Mexican people.

-the UK's various sex-based ads on buses with slogans such as “Your girlfriend’s white bits here.”

-the objectifying and race-based Black vs. White PSP ad in the Netherlands

-not to mention the topless waitresses featured at the God of War II release party

And now there's this running in India, complete with a tagline that reads"Because your girlfriend bores you shitless."

What. The. Hell. Sony.

There's lots of great discussion over at the Iris boards about the ad, along with some plans to get a letter campaign going. I'll post more info about it here when it happens.

hat tip: the f-word

Paprika: Not just for Deviled Eggs

If you ever watched the A-Team, you might remember the episode where Murdock becomes a chef and keeps asking for paprika. Because of this, it became the funniest and best spice in my mind. Now I have a new reason to love it that blows the A-Team reference out of the water, a feat that I would not have thought possible. The new Sotoshi Kon film, Paprika, was oh so yummy. I was able to see it in the theater this weekend and it was a dream come true. Paprika takes a wonderful, surrealist look into humanity's desires and the collective unconcious, but lacked any of Breton's misogyny.

Almost all of Kon's work, like surrealism, adds the fantastical into a realistic setting. The concept of Paprika allowed him to fully realize this idea. Kon understands the freedom animation allows and creates something truly unique. I found it bizarre how the morphing images and situations of the dreams made as much sense to me as the "real world" scenes of the movie. That dichotomy was questioned, and subsequently became very unstable. This continued with the characters. They straddled the line between being both archetype and fully humans. There were a definite struggle between the characters in achieving the ideal role for their gender or place in the world.

*Spoilers Below*

In Paprika, Kon gives us another strong female protagonist, and in this case, a superhero as well. The character known as Paprika exists to help people deal with their desires and guides them to think outside of archetypal roles. In this way she comes to represent the concept of the "woman of your dreams,"and in the sense of a super hero, she seems to be perfect. However, Paprika and her real life counterpart, Dr. Chiba, struggle with a Clark Kent/Superman relationship throughout the film. Paprika is everything Chiba isn't, which includes being in full control of her life. By the end, Chiba faces this, and the chief issues of film--which also includes many archetypes, such as technology vs. nature--are resolved by the creation of a new order, where the male archetype of aggression and dominance is defeated by the female archetype of growth and peace. Or to speak in other elements, light conquered shadow by consuming it.

There is one disturbing scene that needs to be addressed. Not to spoil too much, but at one point Paprika is captured and is symbolically raped. A colleague tears off her Paprika form and reveals her true identity beneath. Personally, I'm weary of rape scenes, and feel that popular entertainment is too quick to feature it, often without giving thought to the consequences. This was far from my favorite scene in the movie, but I feel the key word is that it is symbolic. By having the act be represented by something else, it leaves the action in the realm of thought, and forces us to think about rape. I'm not saying that this is any less powerful, or less potentially offensive and dangerous. I just feel in this context that the scene was meant for us to look at rape as a tool of the male aggressive, violent, and controlling mind set. It was not glorified or glamorized, but rather focused on the thought behind the act. The character responsible for the act pins Paprika like a butterfly in a room full of pinned butterflies. This speaks of the "male" desire to control and tame, and how patriarchy places women on the same level as an inset, or an animal that is easily manipulated and controlled. He does not think of her as human but as an object that should be displayed. The archetypal male mind set is further explored when Paprika is rescued by another colleague that is in the process of dreaming about being a male action hero. To him, Paprika is a precious commodity that needs his protection. His view of her is still in the same vein as the rapist's--she is still an object, the two men just disagree on her use. His parody is complete when he take Paprika to the ending scene of his dream that is complete with him posing before the setting sun, as he, the quintessential hero, cradles her in one arm and a smoking gun in the other. He then proceeds to claim his prize by kissing her as she droops unconsciously. This was received by a "how dare you" slap on the face, and the scene ends. After this interlude, Paprika reclaims the movie. Overall, it was a scene that I would have been happier without, no one likes to see a superhero, specifically female superheros, debased in such a way. However, I also don't think the scene was there for shock value or as a form of punishment, which are some of the reasons why rape scenes are told in popular entertainment. Rather, I feel it's purpose was as a tool of discussion. The way that it was produced confirms that. It forces us to confront the mind set that causes rape, and that is one of the first steps in preventing rape.

Requisite Backlash

Yesterday Kotaku linked to Cerise, and predictably, hostility in the comments section ensued. Check out these related and brilliant blog posts that discuss gaming communities and women:

Harassment, silencing, and gaming communities
On women-oriented gaming communities
Kotaku Commenters Prove the Necessity of a Women's Gaming Magazine

There are many issues I’d like to address that I found while wading through the comments. Some would be separatism vs. integration, using the word misogyny instead of sexism, internalized sexism, and the idea that feminist gamers are sexist i.e. anti-male and anti-female.

However, what I want to focus on today is the idea that women gamers shouldn’t have their own outlet (or magazine such as Cerise) because their numbers don’t equal that of men who game. The actual demographics of people of video games can reveal a lot about the current climate of the video game industry and culture. So who has the controller? Brace yourself for some stats.

Justine Cassell and Henry Jenkins wrote in their essay “Chess for Girls? Feminism and Computer Games” that in 1999, around 35 million homes in the United States owned one video game console, which is about 30-40% of American homes. In addition to this, 10-20% of homes rented consoles or shared with their neighbors. According to the Entertainment Software Association’s 2006 Sales, Demographic and Usage Data, 69% of American heads of households play computer or video games, the average game player’s age is 33, and 38% of percent of gamers are women. In fact, gamers consist more of women that are 18 years or older (30%) than that of boys who are 17 years or younger (23%), and according to Nielsen, women make up 64% of online gamers.

When we think of the typical gamer--and this includes the commenters over at Kotaku--a white, pimpled, horny teen boy is usually called to mind, yet the stats indicate that the gaming community is more diverse. The stats regarding women gamers, especially those that reveal that there are more adult women gamers than of teenage boys, challenges our stereotypical image of a gamer.

I’m sharing these stats because I want to reiterate that there are more female gamers out there than is usually acknowledged. However, even if we don’t outnumber men, it doesn’t mean our viewpoints are less valid. We’re a demographic and that’s enough. Besides, our ranks are growing. There’s a group of us that think the culture of our hobby could be better, and we aim to make our voices heard.

ETA:
More reasons for a magazine for gaming women
Zach proves why nobody doesn't like Molten Boron
"STFU and GTFO"

Reuters Ignores Women Gamers, Plus Geek Girl Stereotype Bingo

In a piece of enlightened journalism, Reuters blames video game accessories for strained romantic relationships between men and women. The article, as is expected, thoroughly stereotypes women and their relationships with gamer guys. At least Brenda Brathwaite is featured in the second half of the article--for the sake of balance I suppose. However, it isn't enough to shake the heterosexual-infused, women-are-weary-of-video-games attitude of the article. Therefore, I've decided that this article could benefit from a treatment of tekanji's "Geek Girl" Stereotype Bingo:

Relationships mentioned as being important to women: This is the main point of the article. As the first sentence says, "enter the video game accessory as date killer".

Mentions shopping or accessories: Yep. The equivalent to video games and accessories are... shoes.

"Social" as being attractive to women: The end of the article speaks to double dates and games. Also games can "serve as a his-and-hers social elixir."

Women are seen as "casual" / non-serious users: I would argue that the description of Guitar Hero as a game that "encourages friends to duel against each other as spectators cheer them on" and therefore women enjoy it, is an attempt to make it seem casual.

Let's see, 4 out of 9 squares. I say we have a bingo.

Via Joystiq.

The Better to Arouse You With, My Dear

My gaming history is somewhat cliche for my age range. For instance, the first RPG that I ever played was Final Fantasy VII, and I feel it responsible for my sad and painful blossoming into a gamer. Like many people, I've always held a shining, warm spot in my heart for the franchise.

My dedication to FF VIII was legendary within my circle of three friends, and I never felt closer to my brother than the summer of FF Tactics. But I can't bring myself to play FF XII. There is a giant racist roadblock preventing me from the "best game of the franchise." I would really like to meet the person who thought, "oh, lets make the first and only black female character this series has ever had into a sexy bunny."

I mean, come on. Nobody thought this image was in any way offensive? Despite the long tradition of showing the black community as nothing more than animals? And then to sexualize her on top of that! "Hi, I'm Fran. Please do me. I'm just an animal, so it's ok." If there were any other non-human characters, or if there was ther black human characters in the party it wouldn't be as bad. But the only image this game portrays of the black community is a dehumanizing one.

I understand that the subject of race in a Japanese-made game is a complicated subject. Japan is one of the most homogeneous countries in the world, so I am weary to scream foul when a game is made with only pseudo-Japanese characters in it--by which I mean that sometimes it's difficult to tell the race of a character that is drawn in an anime style. However, gaming has reached a global level, and triple A titles like the Final Fantasy series reach all over the world. I feel it is important for these companies to realize that a wide range of people play games, and it would be nice to see some healthy representation of that. At the very least, if you are going to diversify your supporting cast, don't fall back on centuries-old racist stereotypes.

Harassment Fiasco

I'm in the home stretch, just a couple of days away from graduating. That said, my job at the college will be finished this week as well. I feel conflicted about this: I'm losing my steady paycheck and I'll be leaving behind some great coworkers. However, I feel good about leaving: perhaps my job search will yield a job with better pay (though it should be easy to beat the pay of a student worker) and because I'll be leaving the place where I was sexually harassed.

Like anyone, there's a few things in my life that are hard for me to admit, and most of them seem to stem in some way from sex. Two of the biggies are admitting that I was in an abusive relationship, the other is that I was harassed at work.

I'm willing to write about this because my job ends Friday, but I've been inspired by this post about sexual harassment over at Occasional Superheroine. An excerpt:

I feel the person who has gone through this or other traumas definitely has the right to tell her (or his) story -- that it's part of the healing process and provides people going through similar situations with perspective & hope. Further, I think the topic of sexual harassment itself should be debated and examined thoroughly on message boards and forums everywhere.

But one thing that gets lost in the internet debate and gossip is just how goddamn sad sexual harassment situations are for everybody involved. They're fucking sad. There are no winners and losers. Everybody is a loser. Feelings on both sides are filled with agony and resentment and hurt. You have one side saying "nothing happened and you're liar" and the other side saying "I'm really really hurt" and it's like Iraq, there's no immediate clean way to resolve it. And then you have people caught in the middle who are pressured to take sides and it's shitty for them too.

My situation was (unsurprisingly) tortuous. Because my job is the same as where I attend school (I work in the department of my major) I had no way to get away from him. And, like a lot of harassment stories, my situation was not cut and dry. It's not like he touched me--it had more to do with comments he said under his breath or how he would come stand by me, his body almost touching mine. It was the manner in which he looked at me, and how I would see him staring at me while I was having lunch with my partner. It was long and drawn out and I didn't know how to tell him how he made me feel. I couldn't find the voice to tell him to stop. Eventually, I found the courage to go to my boss and make a report. What resulted was an awkward bureaucratic hell that consisted of embarrassing interviews and meetings that were full of difficult decisions. In the end I was told that I'd have to meet with him, along with Human Resources and the department chair for a mediation if I wanted to make a proper complaint. I couldn't go through with it--I was too terrified.

I regret it. Because I failed to commit to the mediation, my complaint was never officially filed. It was as if my tentative steps to make him stop never happened. My boss took care to not schedule my hours when he was working, which did help. However, I still saw him in the hallway or around campus. The lack of closure isn't what I necessarily regret. What has made the situation worse is that once he did stop harassing me, he went after a co-worker, a good friend, of mine. I make him sound cruel and calculating, but I honestly think that he didn't know that he was doing anything wrong. My co-worker, knowing what I had gone through with him, filed a complaint immediately. I admire the hell out of her. She went to meeting after meeting and never backed down, even though the chair of the department expressed to her his opinion that she was making a big deal out of nothing. The kicker in the end was that the professor was only given a warning after her formal complaint went through. I found out from my boss that he would have received a harsher punishment if I had went through with my complaint.

This semester I haven't had to deal with the professor because he's on sick leave for cancer. I think it's unfortunate that he has to struggle though an awful disease, but I'm relieved that I haven't had to work with him now or ever again. For all of my relief, I still feel unresolved about the situation and I still feel ashamed--as though I'm making a big deal out of nothing--whenever I talk about. I do hope that if I ever find myself in a similar predicament, I'll be quicker to stand up for myself.

It's hard for me to look at sexual harassment rationally since I still feel hurt. But I do think this: if my work wasn't so entrenched in hierarchies, maybe it wouldn't have happened. I know it surely wouldn't have happened if the professor would see women as people rather than sex objects.

4 Color Rebellion Links to Porn and Misses Point Entirely (or Porn is not Art)

I like blogs and I like video games. I like to look at video game blogs. I liked to visit 4 color Rebellion: Nintendo-focused, good writing, and they're respectful of their readers. So why did they link to Nerdcore's new calendar? Oh, because they love and respect women.

I was pissed (as were others.) I angrily wrote in the comments:

Long time lurker [here,] just [want] to say this: it can be really discouraging being a woman gamer, and even more discouraging trying to find a blog that publishes pertinent news about video games (re: I don't have to shift through all the sexist crap.) Porn, yeah, fine, it's out there. But really, 4cr was a safe haven for someone
like me, who likes to think that maybe one day women can be thought of as gamers
instead of just wank material.

Nick, from who the post originated, had this to say as a reply:

I knew when I posted this that some would find it offensive. But if you want to see the reasoning behind it, scroll up and read Gregs comment. Amen.

Greg's comment was along the lines of 1) Porn is part of geek culture 2) Just ignore it if it offends you 3) We at 4cr love women! We have relationships with them! 4)What we really need to be concerned about is if children see it. Okay. Well, 1) You can write about porn in geek culture, by all means, but it can be done in a respectful (non-sexist) manner. 2) I'm sick and tired of having to ignore sexist crap on video game blogs just because I'm not a heterosexual guy. 3) Having relationships with women doesn't inoculate you against being sexistst and 4) I'm glad you care more about the other demographics on your blog more than the women gamers who frequent it.

As far as women...… I love women. And I don't mean that in a sexist way. I was raised by my mom, all by herself and I have the utmost respect for women. My ex-girlfriend of 7 years was also very concerned with women's rights and their role in society. I was right there beside her and agree 100% that women deserve better. I understand the hardships women have to face. Yet do I find strippers offensive? No. I know quite a few girls who used to be strippers and these girls know very well what they are doing. Some of them are very savvy and if they can use their bodies to influence people or make a living, they will.

Oh, okay. You, with all of your male privilege in it's undying glory, understand the hardships women face. There is so much wrong with the above paragraph--I don't think I need to touch it with a ten foot pole. It speaks for itself.

That said, I also love the female figure as a work of art. As a fine art painter, all I paint is the human form. Both female and males are beautiful creatures that continually fascinate me.And then of course, I have to admit, I do like sex and sexy women. I've spent time in Italy and my view on nudity is closer to theirs than our generally uptight and overprotective stance here in the US. I believe that people just need to relax and understand the role of sex in society. That's not to say we should abuse it, but it is there and always will be. And of course, sex sells.

Note to self, as informed by Nick: If I hate seeing women objectified, I'm a prude. Also, there are no prudes in Italy. And art is free from objectification.

So, yes, I apologize if I offended anyone, but at the same time, I wont apologize for posting this.In fact, my biggest concern with posting this was that in some way it might cause 4cr to get blocked for people at work. Now that would be a real problem.

Translation: Don't get your undies in a bundle. By the way, your issue is nothing compared to inconveniencing the other straight guys when they can't check our blog at work.

My reply, and probably last comment:

Nick, I'm glad you're a heterosexual guy, I really am. I just felt sick about being reminded, yet again, that women are the sex class. Objectification is objectification.

Face, Flyers and Comics

First, before I talk about Wizard World, I want to direct your attention over to New Game Plus. Lake Desire’s put up the third edition of the Carnival of Feminist Science Fiction and Fantasy Fans. It’s not to be missed!

The Flyers

Mid morning, Shions_Glasses and I met up with Dan Jacobson (who really is an incredibly sweet guy). We chatted, and then took to the convention floor with an important mission: handing out Girl-Wonder.org flyers to the comic book masses.

In the past I’ve distributed flyers for various causes before, not to mention that last year I was responsible for giving out condoms on my college campus. It’s always been a bit nerve wracking for me, as I’m not the most outgoing person. But it was different at Wizard World. While I did have to initially muster up the courage so that I was able to approach strangers with a certain amount of confidence, I found that once I started, I couldn’t stop. Our plan of attack was to hit the major exhibitors booths, like Wizard, Marvel and DC, and work our way back to Artist Alley. This included slipping flyer’s randomly in Dark Horse bags, and sliding others into hardcover Frank Cho nudie books. I placed some at the wrestling ring’s booth, and others at booths that were seemingly empty. (Which is how some were placed at Peter David’s booth.) Shions_Glasses and Dan focused more on the fanboys, while I handed out flyers mainly to the fangirls. Nearly everyone was incredibly nice, even supportive, and it was awesome to see many of the women in Artist Alley get excited when I explained Girl Wonder’s mission. My absolute favorite moment was when Shion gave a flyer to Greg Land. Think he’ll visit the site?

Because we received such a great reception, I truly think it’d be worthwhile for Girl Wonder to have it's own booth at Wizard World next year. I’d be all over volunteering to sit at it.

The Well-Known

One of the best parts of Wizard World is seeing those that you admire. While resting by the Snackoteria, we saw none other than Dirk Benedict, aka Face from the A-Team (or you know, Lt. Starbuck in Battlestar Galactica). Shions_Glasses took pictures of him ordering popcorn, but alas, I accidentally erased them. (Sadly, I lost all my pictures from Wizard World). Shion also ran up to shake his hand—I hear he’s a nice a guy.

David Mack had his own booth at Wizard World--just like last year--which he tirelessly manned on his own. I’m a huge fan of his work, and whenever I’ve gone up to talk to him I become hopelessly tongue-tied. No matter; just like last year, he patiently listened to me stumbled over my words, gave me a deal on a couple of his books, and then presented to me, after I gave him a Girl Wonder flyer, a beautiful print which he gave to me for free. A day later and I’m still swooning.

The Loot

I pretty much bought all the comics that were on my list:
--All issues of Catwoman that were penned by Will Pfeifer that I didn’t already have
--The second TPB of She-Hulk from Dan Slott’s first run
--The third TPB of Gotham Central
--The first TPB of Batgirl: Year One
--The first volume of the Revolutionary Girl Utena manga

Not to mention that I learned how the play the Pokemon card game, and loved every second of it.

Ja, mata.

Late tomorrow, Shions_Glasses and I are leaving for Japan, and will be gone for three weeks. I’m not sure the next time I’ll be able to post, but I’ll try to keep things updated here as much as possible. ::Blows internet kiss:: See you around!

Masculinity, Nerds and Me

In one way or another, I found myself in the company of a bunch of fanboys this past weekend. At first, I was thrilled. What new games would I play? (Super Mario Strikers) What comics would I be able to pick up and read for free on the sly? (JLA #0)

And at first, it was good. I felt accepted. I held my own in Strikers even though it was my first time playing. I got to talk about Catwoman and Chris Bachelo. Nerd talk uninhibited.

But then, unexpectedly, it started. Faggot. Pussy this, pussy that. Vagina this, slut that. Dumbfounded and silent, I held my tongue. Sat rigidly on the couch, smoothed out my skirt, buried my face in a comic.

It was naive of me not to expect this. And I thought that I’d be prepared for this situation, where talk turns sour and everything becomes an insult. The amount of sexism and homophobia was staggering. I thought I’d be able to make some quick witty comebacks (filled with insightful knowledge) that would enlighten or at least make them shut up. After all the theory I’ve studied. Everything I’ve written on this blog, everything I’ve read on other’s blogs. You’d think I’d be able to come up with something. The only time that I was able to say anything was when one of the guys asked if I was looking at my own boobs. I shot him down so quickly and defensively that I surprised myself. I shocked him, and I’m sure the group was happy when I left—I was the bitch who ruined all the fun.

I first I felt exasperated. Do these guys represent the majority of the fan community that I want to be a part of? I mean, I desperately want to be part of some sort of group of people who share the same interests as I. But can that even occur because I’m a woman? At Wizard World I’ll be handing out flyers for girl-wonder.org as a way to be proactive, as an attempt to further create a space for women in geekdom. Yet, after my intensive nerd run-in, passing out flyers doesn’t seem to be good enough. Writing in this blog doesn’t seem to be good enough.

As a few days have now passed and my hopelessness has ceded a bit. I’ve been thinking and thinking about the whole situation and managed to come up with this: the guys I was around were taking part in a form of alternative masculinity. They’ve suffered the consequences of not being traditionally masculine: they’re not rich, they don’t have tight bodies or physical prowess. A way for them to prove their masculinity is through wins and game scores, and extensive comic book knowledge. Another way is verbal; by using sexist and homophobic slurs, masculinity can be proved by effeminizing their peers.

I’m not interested in games, comics, anime, what have you, in order to prove anything. My interest is that I simply like them. I think the guys I came in contact with initially started out the same way, but found that as they grew older and had their masculinity questioned, they had to use their hobbies as a way to prove themselves. I, as a geek girl, stand in direct opposition to that, which is why I failed, after the first couple of hours, to find a common ground with them.

Too Easy.

I know, I know, I know. Complaining about IGN, complaining about this, is too easy. The feature obviously distasteful, noticeably sexist. But I can’t stay away.

I can’t stay away because of the cute blurbs about catfights for wank-fests. And I can’t stay away because of images like these:

So who had this costume first?

Four breasts are better than two:

The pain of wedgies:

and of a disjointed hip:


It’s like a car accident.

Link via When Fangirls Attack.

IGN: Digging a Deeper Hole, One Slice of Cheesecake at a Time

I don't know if someone's already wrote about this before--the article is kind of old--but I inadvertantly and unfortunately came across IGN's: Top Ten X-Babes while wandering around the internet.

Never before have I cackled (while experiencing rage and alienation all at the same time).

Yet, I can't tell what's more insulting: the blurbs or being reminded of the way that some of my favorite female characters have been drawn.

One Year Old: Robotech Repost

I've realized that it's been a year since I started blogging--in the beginning I had a Xanga blog. It took a few months for me to figure out that Blogger was better than Xanga, which prompted my move. I'm glad I did--switching to Blogger has made me part of a larger community, one that I can partake in and learn from. Thanks to everyone who's made me feel welcomed, and thank you to everyone who stops by.

In honor of blogging about feminism and pop culture for a year, I'm re-posting a favorite Xanga entry of mine: my first shot at reviewing a comic.
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From October 11, 2005

A Review of Robotech: Prelude to the Shadow Chronicles

We've all been waiting a good, long time for the next installation of the Robotech Universe and with the first issue of Robotech: Prelude to the Shadow Chronicles, it has begun.

The Cover: It's okay--I don't think it accurately betrays Omar Dogan's talent however. Rick's head is way too small for his body, it doesn't work with the perspective. Also it seems so cluttered, but I do admit that I am a fan of minimalistic covers that go for the visual bang.

The Art and Coloring: Excellent. I love Dogan's work and the colors are vibrant. There's an anime quality, but it's not just "cheap imitation." Definately eye candy.

Character Designs: They're alright. However, I'm not too much of a fan of the uniform--they're not snazzy like they were in the original Macross series, however. Lisa looks good, though not too much older. (Are they afraid to draw an attractive 40-50 something woman? Are wrinkles that unsightly?) Rick does look older and very manly which I'm somewhat disappointed with. I loved how in the original anime he was shorter and more slender than the other characters--plus when you're Admiral, do you really need to be so beefy? Jean Grant's design is good, but what's with that huge purple bow? We don't really get to see Minmei, just the back of her head with a hairstyle that looks way too similar to what it was in her little movie in the original. It's kind of like "Look! I'm Chinese because I have this oriental hair piece!" All in all, it's a mixed bag.

Story: Here's where it gets complicated. I can handle flawed character designs and goofy covers but....well wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. There's an amount of back story missing when we start off, which is okay, I can deal with that. Either the movie or future issues will handle this. However, I don't think we'll get a step-by-step story that deals with "From the Stars" to this issue, but there doesn't need to be. There's lots of science lingo, mystery and governmental council bickering. There's blood, death, and drama. I'll wait to learn more before I judge these aspects of the storyline--there's only one thing I have a contention with: the treatment of Lisa or rather the attitude of "We don't know how to write for female characters--especially the strong ones!"

What is painfully obvious is that they're going to make Lisa Rick's motivation. She deserves more than that--they did such a good job with her in the original series. To make her pregnant, hurt/hospitalized and miscarry is just rediculous. It's akin to what Lucas did to Padme in Star Wars. They take their strongest woman character--Lisa is the head in command--and make her weak and pregnant. Even though this is the future the problem of women handling family and career has not yet been solved (and neither have the problems with pregnancy been solved either.) We then have Rick saying something along the lines of "I can't wait for Lisa to resign her commission--you can't be Admiral and a mother." This drives me mad--Lisa's father could be Admiral and a father--the double standards, I don't get it. Oh right, Lisa's a lady. Okay, so we start the story off with Lisa and the SDF-3 getting shot down by Edwards, this in turn establishes Rick's hatred for Edwards and then puts Rick in position to be the leading Admiral. I understand that Yune and others are working somewhat with a preexisting story--they have to put the pieces together. However, it's lazy writing to take out your strongest female character, to make her just a womb that has been victimized.

And did anyone else think that the scene where Jean tells Rick about the Lost Baby is horribly trite?

I'm ranting, and it's probably pretty uncomprehensible, but bear with my anger. It's just that I'm so disappointed--I had expected too much, I guess. I was suprised when I went to read the message boards at Robotech.com how many people were so sad about the miscarriage etc. etc.
I will continue to read the rest of the series and I will see the movie. I will remain, however, apprehensive about the treatment of Robotech's female characters.
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Just to note: I did stop reading the comics and I haven't seen the movie yet. I'm a little afriad to.

Smash

Over at A Blog Found on a Garbage Heap, inspired by the post "And he's hot, too...," I commented on how at my job, I deal with over 100 different faculty members. It can get hairy, and I end up getting pissed off a lot, especially because we've had problems with harassment. In order to help deal with the frustration I've taped up this picture of the Hulk so that my rage can be experienced vicariously. (This isn't the first time I've done something like this. When I was in high school I started carrying around a Hulk Pez dispenser when my parents got divorced.):

We've temporarily relocated the office this summer, so I thought I'd print out a new picture. I thought this time a picture of She-Hulk would be better. I dumbly searched in Google images for it. I say dumb because this is what I came up. (What I'm comfortable with posting, that is.):

Lame. After much searching however, I did find this:

Much better.

Focus on Women Please--An Update on the Activision Focus Group

So on Sunday I had the privilege of attending a focus group on X-men Legends. I didn't want to go without 100littledolls, but she said I should go in her place. So I tried my best to represent.

My dream for years has been to tell the video game industry how I feel on a number of subjects, and here was my chance. The group consisted of about 7 guys in their 20s and 30s--all but one white. Good start huh? I was all fired up and angry at the fact that I had to go alone, and was ready to throw down some feminism right at their faces. When the questions started though, I calmed down a bit, but made sure to let them know that I really cared about the social messages of their product. They started out asking general questions: what's your favorite game, why do you like the X-men, ect. I tried to relay the point of how cool it is that the X-men are on the fringe of society, and that the basis of the comic is them fighting for their place in the world. They asked about characters within the game, and I pointed out how the X-men already have a diverse cast, and many strong, well established women characters. Raven doesn't need to do anything but put them in the game. I feel the first game had much better character choices, (why would I want to play as Toad?) and a larger amount of female mutants. Personally I would love to see Kitty Pride in a game, Raven studios is such a jerk for not putting her in.

After giving them a well thought out pitch for my own game, they started to pass out descriptions of possible game ideas that were actually being considered for production. They wanted our feelings on them, and let me tell you, most of them were terrible. The funniest and saddest was an X-men World War II game, where in an alternate universe, get this, Hitler won, so therefore communism?! Ruled the World, and Magneto somehow reigned as the supreme overlord. As Cable you would go back in time and kill Nazis with bullet time moves like in a Max Payne type shooter. What? So much of that doesn't make sense. The highlight of the afternoon, however, was the description of X-Men Femme Force. In this concept, Mystique releases a virus that affects all the male X-men leaving only the women left to stop her. Kind of a corny story, but having an all female mutant cast would be pretty cool. I read on though, and discovered a main part of the game would be to "dress up" your characters in different outfits, then it made a reference to DOA and claimed that the game would be just as sexy. Ouch. Costume changes are great, but the X-women aren't dolls, they're freedom fighters. To my surprise, I wasn't the first person to speak up. Two other people in the group informed everyone that their girlfriends were gamers and played the first two Legends along with them. They said that they were extremely disappointed that they couldn't come to the focus group. I also spoke up and related 100littledolls' plight. We agreed that we would play a game with an all woman cast. I then pleaded with them to not objectify these characters--I told them that it would be unnecessary and offensive.

As we were leaving, I heard the two guys in charge of the focus group talking to each other. They were surprised with the responses they were getting concerning women and games: "Wow, we really need to do a women's focus group..." F-ing Duh! But it's a start I guess. Overall, I tried to use this opportunity to also log my complaint of lack of originality in video games. Many of the game ideas presented to us were just rehashes of other popular games: Mercenaries with Wolverine, or Dynasty Warriors with X-men. Personally, if I wanted to play a game like Mercenaries, why wouldn't I just play Mercenaries, or Mercenaries II, whenever that comes out? The main issue with superhero games is that they have never established their own genre, or niche. They have always just hopped on board to a preexisting series of games. The focus should not be to make a copy of a existing game, but to define what superhero games are and create a place for them in the industry. Take a risk! More often than not, it will pay off. Just look at Nintendo.

My genitalia has nothing to do with being a geek.

I was invited to go to a focus group tomorrow for the new X-Men game. I was all set: tonight I've been playing X-Men: Rise of the apocalypse, and I've also started to plan what games or anime I was going to buy with the hundred bucks I was going to make. Then I was called by the person who invited me with the information that I couldn't come because I'm a woman. Immediately, I was pissed. I asked why it mattered. His only explanation is that focus groups are split into age groups, therefore the groups are also split by gender. He then wondered how many women could there be that are interested in gaming and the X-Men? How many women do I personally know that game? I could only respond that while I only know a few women in real life that game, I know they're out there. I know that from blogs I read. (Besides, I live in fricken Chicago--there's a lot of women here.)

I asked if there's going to be focus group for women and he wasn't sure. I'm sending Shion's Glasses in my place--he promised to find out if there will be a separate group for women, and if there isn't, to give them hell in my honor. Hopefully, either way I'll convince him to post his experience up here.

It's annoying that I won't be getting the cash, and it's aggravating that my voice won't be heard. But the worst feeling is that this is all because of the attitude that women and men are completely different, which in turn fuels the gender gap in gaming in terms of perception and representation. I know that biologically there are differences between men and women, such as the fact that symptoms for a heart attack in women are different than that of men--but we're gamers. It's a hobby, an interest. If everything, especially video game marketing, keeps focusing on the differences between men and women, we're not going to get anywhere.

Update: I found out that there won't be any focus groups dedicated to female gamer's interests.

Update #2: per zeldasrevenge's suggestion here is Activision's mailing address:

Activision, Incorporated

3100 Ocean Park Boulevard

Santa Monica, CA 90405

Their phone number: 310-255-2000

If you would like to shoot them a message electronically, click here.

Let's let them know that women gamers are part of their demographic.

Horribly Sick--of Sexism

Today is Blog Against Sexism Day. Make sure you click over to the blogs on my sidebar, many of them have participated with excellent posts.

I however did not--I have the stomach flu something awful and it has not given me any respite.

The worst part, well one of the worst parts,(and completely unrelated to the importance of this blog-o-event) is that it started the day when we finished Shadow of the Colossus. A game I was truly entertained by ended in disaster. Stomach flu and that melancholy ending...all I can say is that when I hear about it or look at the poster I have hanging up, I feel a horrible pain in my stomach.

My advice: don't play that game when you're depressed or sick and fight sexism.

Girls Cry

The pressure is in my temples, in the back of my eyes. My ears are clogged, the right ear more so than the left. The copy machine is chucking out paper and the telephone is ringing the adjunct faculty room. My nose tingling, I sneeze. Smooshing the back of my left hand against my nose, I flick open the flap of my Mario messenger bag with my right hand and pull out the last kleenex from it's Cinnamoroll holder and mop the mess off my face. I find another unused spot on the tissue, and blow the rest out of my nose.

"Oh, don't cry. Life can't be that horrible."

I look up into the grinning face of a Faculty Member who had just Bestowed His Great Wisdom upon my unsuspecting ears and squint my eyes. He laughs. Behind the protective shroud of my damp kleenex I mumble "I'm not crying. I just have a cold."

***
Dumb anecdote. And why am I wasting my time dramatizing it? Because it's not the first time in the past two days working-with-a-cold that a male faculty member has come up to me when I've been blowing my nose to ask me if I've been crying. Or he's benevolently telling me not to cry.

Weirder for weird, I work in a bizarro world where in the past I've had to file a complaint of sexual harassment against a male faculty member. Not to say that he was the only person making rude comments to me in the office--he was just the worst. Now a year later, a coworker of mine is going through the same thing with the same faculty member. Except she's not stopping with the formal letter of complaint like I did, she's going to go the top, she's going to wade through the whole mess of papers, investigations and interviews. She is demanding results. I admire her: I wasn't able to go through the whole process because I didn't feel strong enough. I was paranoid that I was being to sensitive, that I couldn't "take a joke." Even though I felt horrible, I also felt as though I had provoked him. I didn't feel as though it was in my right to be one of "those" women, an Anita Hill. It's a pain in the ass to file a complaint of sexual harassment, and its even worse to have to work with the person while the investigation goes on. More salt on the wound that after you go as far as you can, nothing changes, and you still are the recipient of his poor jokes--not to mention dealing with other male faculty members he think they're so damn cute.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick that my supervisor has to regularly email memos out to the faculty to remind them to respect the staff. I'm sick that the faculty members in turn complain to said staff about the memos, all because they fail to realize what they're saying or doing. I'm sick that my co-worker had to go through the same thing that I did because I didn't far enough with my complaint. I am also sick of the fact that when my male co-worker blows his nose, no one ever assumes that he's been crying.

How to make a difference knowing that this can and probably will happen with other jobs? Do I say nothing, "Shut Up, Dumbass?," "You're sexist"? The thing is, how do you get through someone's thick skull that they're being inappropriate when we live in a society that is sexist, where it's okay to demean women and get away with it?

On Which I Get All Critical

I've been spending quite a bit of time with Dragon Quest VIII...it takes me back to the first Lunar on the Sega CD. As said previously, it's great: a big, expansive, time sucker, but now I have to sweat the small stuff.

*SPOILER ALERT*
Last night Jessica went all evil. So I progressed through the story, putting all exploration on hold, just to get her back. I was surprised to find myself actually upset by the fact that I was left to leading around three male characters (with one who is annoyingly enough an archetype of the "Lady's Man")--my token female green and gone. The thing is this--when intially playing DQVIII I was pissed that Jessica's breasts had to visibly bounce when she would cast magic. They're huge. Nothing new, I know, in videogames, but still, ugh, my eyes. Then came her costume changes: A cute little dancer's outfit, with more skin, but less bounce. A bunny outfit--fishnets, the puffy tail. (Which makes me interested to learn more about Playboy in Japan.) Costume changes are fun but what about the Hero? Why don't I get to see a little bunny tail on Yangus enormous end when I equip it on him? What about some skin on Angelo who is covered from shoulders to heels?

Granted, I'm not done with the game. A costume change for any of the male characters might come my way, and if it does, I'll be happy.

The thing about Jessica is this: despite the objectification, she rocks. Definately a strong female character that could make Lara Croft weep. It's too bad that the only other main woman character in the game is a NPC who is cursed to be a horse (ha, the feminist symbolism in that, the princess as a woman who is a "beast of burden.") But at least she's a great character with lots of...development, regardless of gender. I know that the writers for this game counted on the player being upset that she was gone for awhile because she's such a great character. I wonder if they knew as well that it would make female gamers frustrated over losing their most identifiable player. The one with the ponytails, larges breasts and "Sex Appeal" as a leveling-up skill.

This all leads me to another thing: If the player is supposed to indentify with the main character of the game, how come we don't get to choose the gender? This way, Jessica's character design wouldn't have bothered me so much. And related to that, why are there so few RPGs where the main character is a woman? ( Which is why I love Xenosaga so.)

Jessica and her "va-va-voom". Lifted from www.rpgland.com.